The Law of Syllogism, or, How Canoni's Car Will Get Sold

p -> q
q -> r
therefore, p -> r

whereas:
p = a gentle sander
q = 600 dollars
r = the torture chamber

I'd really like to explain this for those of you who are confused, and that's probably most of you. Unfortunately all I can say is that this is what happens when you combine a long day in the sun, a large number of beers, and the intellectual prowess of me, Copenhaver and Mr. and Mrs. Rotante.